This girl was nice. Sickeningly nice, like a perfect 50's mother fallen from the hell of the past. Prim and proper, beautiful and interesting--like I said, perfect. But not our family. No, it was Mom's idea to host an exchange student and I warned her. Told her it would be a disaster from the start. Of course, Mom never thought our family would end up being too average. Too sloppy, mundane and non-ritualistic for this Swedish goddess who came from Germany (yes, it confused me too). Here we were, the hot-dog eating, TV tray using, leave the bathroom door open when we use the toilet-family, and we're landed with Satan's only daughter. She really wasn't all that bad--not the way I play her up to be. Everyone at school loves her, which is probably why I hate her the most. When I walked into school that first day, with Dana (that's the demon spawn's name), everyone ran over to us. I was flattered at first, until I realized that all these people weren't admiring my new Dickey pants that I'd picked up at Hot Topic a few weeks before. No, they were admiring Dana's long, lily-white legs that showed off gracefully under her way-too-short-for-our-dress-code skirt. At 5'10', Dana towered over me like a windmill, though much more attractive and eye catching than one of those wind generating towers. She had shapely hips and calves and though her breasts weren't exactly large, they were accented well with a padded bra and a tight cashmere sweater. She was the opposite of me and though she could have had a million friends and boyfriends that first day, she chose to stick with me. Why, I will never know, but she did. She followed me around between classes and sat by me at lunch and complimented how the black of my pants brought out the blue highlights in my hair. She was a leech, but a nice one. She didn't suck my blood, but instead poked a hole in my throat and slowly drained out all that is mean and makes me who I am. I'm a bitch; I'm not supposed to hang around friendly, preppy, excited exchange students. She was perky and I hated perky--pep rallies were the epitome of annoyance and Dana loved them. Hell, she loved everything about America. She talked on and on about how the pizza was so good and the hamburgers and how everything we ate was simple and our roads were interesting and our classes were magnificent--sometimes I wonder if Dana takes speed before she comes out of our guest bedroom. Well Satan's made a lot of friends the first few weeks of school. I thought that would mean that she'd leave me alone. Unfortunately, I know nothing about the Swedish in Germany and their customs. She refuses to sit anywhere else but with me at lunch and she won't pass me in the halls without stopping me and getting a full play-by-play of what I've done so far that day or since the last time she asked me the same question.
I just know I'm being punished for my past transgressions. When I find out what they are, I'm going to become Catholic and confess all my sins, then maybe even become a nun. I wonder if they'll let me dye my hair.
|
